I praised God for you as soon as I read this, dear sister. For your heart to follow God, for your God-given beauty because you are made in His image, that you are redeemed and restored and made whole in Jesus. And then I prayed for you. That you may know who you really are in Him. That He will open the eyes of your heart to see His fingerprints all over your heart - He is there, those Fingers of Grace carefully binding up the deepest hurts of your heart. He loves you because He made you, and He loves you because He saved you, and sees Jesus when He looks at you.
I feel led to share a short story with you - back in the time of Nehemiah there used to be someone called a cupbearer, who would drink some of the wine intended for the king to check for poison. The parallel to Jesus is so obvious - Jesus drinks the cup of God’s anger and cries out ‘It is Finished!’ turns the cup upside down, and not one drop comes out. But another part of the story that’s often overlooking is that the poison in the cup is from the people to the King. Jesus takes all of our anger and sadness and hurt and bitterness and lack of trust, drinks it, and by the time our prayers and cries make it to our King they have been purified by Jesus. You come before God totally washed, cleansed, renewed.
Jesus drinks down your guilt and shame, and so therefore you are worthy. You are loved. You are redeemed. You are forgiven. You are acceptable! Beloved sister, He loves you! Praying this truth transforms your heart. It may happen over night, but often it’s like a blind person given sight. The habits still remain - you may stumble around with your eyes shut for a while, going back to old habits that hurt you, but as He keeps working in you, you’ll learn to open your eyes to His love, His presence, His worthiness.
He loves you dearly. I’ll keep praying for you. The next issue of MICI Magazine addresses what you’ve been walking through. You are not alone. We are in this together, sister. Let me know if there’s anything else I can pray for you for or help you with.
athena grace. x